it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
