I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
