At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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