Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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