Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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