we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
