why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
