Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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