so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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