Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
