My sheets look like a crime scene.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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