I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
