My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
