I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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