I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
