is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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