Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
