Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bring money and cleavage
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
