I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
