its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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