I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize