mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
