im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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