i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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