btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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