Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize