I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
