Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
