i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
