I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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