we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
