How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
