Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
