Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
