So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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