She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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