Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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