There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
