How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
