Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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