he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am naked and annoyed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
