I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Houston, we have a blender
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
