Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
