That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
