I think I died a long time ago.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
