Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
