I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
