ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
