I wanna bring you to show and tell
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
