I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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