no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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