Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
