I don't usually arrange sex via text message
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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