I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm passing your future prison.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
