Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
