My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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