dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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