Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
