of course. lets lasso hookers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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