Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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