I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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