It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
