It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
