I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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