I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
