ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
