come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
