Already got asked if we're dating
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
