i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
