Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
