the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
