2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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