Someone shit on the floor
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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