and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
