That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
