She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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