he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
