I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
