UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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