i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
